Imperishable Beauty
24 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Christian Faith, Women's Issues
I had the privilege to speak to the BCM ladies yesterday afternoon during their women’s luncheon. Bryan Gill, the BCM director asked me to speak on self image, which I was eager to share being that I had struggled with self-image issues throughout my adolescence. More than that, I am raising two little women myself, and I know what they will be exposed to in life as they grow, and I know the lies that the surrounding culture will spew at them in regards to beauty, what it means to be a woman, and self-image.
True beauty has been hijacked in our culture for an illusion.
Dove’s “Campaign for Real Beauty” conducted a study regarding how women view themselves, and here are some of their findings:
-Only 2% of women describe themselves as beautiful.
-63% of women strongly agree that society expects women their physical attractiveness.
-45% of women feel that women who are beautiful have greater opportunities in life.
-More than two-thirds of women strongly agree that the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can’t ever achieve.
Now with social media there are even more channels through which culture can promote its false idea of beauty. The University of Haifa in Israel conducted a study linking Facebook to eating disorders. They studied teenage girls ranging from 12-18 and they found that the more teenage girls were involved with Facebook the higher their risk was of having a negative body image and developing an eating disorder. Posting pictures on Facebook makes teens more image conscious, and if they feel like they don’t meet culture’s standard of beauty then are more more susceptible to eating disorders. See social times.com for more information on this study.
Our society equates sexy with beautiful. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. A beautiful woman is a woman who shows her sexiness and gets as many guys to look at her as possible. Just look at the women our culture praises and considers to be beautiful women. Often they are not noticed for their modesty or discretion.
True beauty has been hijacked in our culture for an illusion.
Even Dove’s “Campaign For Real Beauty,” though their efforts are noble, misses the mark concerning true beauty in that they still emphasize physical appearance. Character is under-emphasized if at all.
How does God define true beauty?
Notice 1 Peter 3:3-5:
First, we need to understand that how we dress or present ourselves matters. Modesty is not a popular word in today’s culture. It implies being prudish, naive, or traditional. The reality is that modesty is essentially self-respect. Peter alludes to the type of woman of that day that braided her hair and wore gold jewelry, which was the common attire of harlots. Now Peter is not limiting his admonition to modest dress, because he says “Do not let your adorning be external,” so he is also saying that a beautiful woman is not preoccupied with her outward appearance.
Second, we need to place greater emphasis on beautifying the soul, not the body. Sure, we should not neglect the body or disregard our appearance altogether, but we should not focus on our appearance solely at the expense of our souls. A beautiful woman in God’s eyes exhibits self-control and is not given to uncontrolled anger. She is meek, meaning strong but under control. She has a gentle and quiet spirit, and is not brash and rude. Such a woman is not praised in our society. In fact, our typical sitcom today has a family dynamic where the wife/mom is overbearing, domineering, sarcastic, and down right mean while the husband/father character is portrayed as a goofball, potbelly dufus who has the IQ level of a snail. This is suppose to be cute and humorous to the viewer. God has another idea of beauty, and it is imperishable. Our looks, ladies, will fade and wither. I told the BCM girls that they are in the prime of their lives in regard to physical beauty. We will get wrinkles, and most of us will lose our 22-yr old. figures. But that is no matter anyway because there is a beauty that will never perish and is in God’s sight “very precious.”
Lastly, we need to put our hope in God, not in our husband or in our desire for a husband. When I was about to graduate college I expected to have a ring on my finger and get married and live happily ever after. Didn’t happen. The Lord took me on a 5-year journey where He had to teach me how to hope in Him. I learned to be satisfied in Christ and fulfilled in Him alone. I think I am a better wife for Travis now because of that journey because I am not placing impossible demands on him that only Christ can meet. I’m not asking Travis to be Jesus in my life. We will fail one another, but there is One who never fails and is always able to meet our every need. The holy women of God in times past adorned themselves in this way, they placed their hope in God.
Where do we begin and what does it mean to “hope in God?”
First, we need to realize that we are beautiful by design. We are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).
Second, we also need to see that because of sin the image has been marred and we are unable to have access to God because He is holy. Romans 3:23 says it plainly, “For all have sinned, and have fallen short of the glory of God.”
Third, we need to recognize the mercy, love and grace of God in that He gave us His Son to pay the penalty for our sin by dying on the cross in our place. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Once we place our trust in Christ we are forgiven and we enter into a relationship with Him and receive eternal life. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Now that we are in Christ, we are a new creation- we have a new identity. 2 Corinthians 5:17 describes this very thing, and that “…they old has gone, the new has come.” All of the shame, guilt, mistakes, insecurities, baggage, wounds, and sins that once defined us no longer define us. Christ now defines us and makes us new.
There are some practical implications regarding our new identity. One being that obsession with looks either positive or negative is idolatry of self. We were made to worship God alone. Anything else is a cheap substitute.
One example is excessive dieting. Health and fitness are important, and we need to care for our bodies. We need to be careful, however, regarding our motivation with dieting. Are we trying to keep healthy and fit, or are we trying to reach an unrealistic and even unhealthy weight in order to feel beautiful and valuable? Obsession with self can lead to all sorts of dangers and traps such as eating disorders, but the foundational problem is that we take God off of the throne of our hearts and place ourselves there instead. This is a cheap substitute. We were made to worship God alone.
Do we have a constant need for validation? Is other people’s opinion or approval at the forefront of our minds? If our aim is to reach a certain status or to gain another person’s praise in order to feel like a woman of worth, then we are committing another form of self-idolatry. This is a cheap substitute. We were made to worship God alone.
Also, if we are seeking fulfillment in a man for our sense of worth, then we are going to come up disappointed and lonely. If we say, “If I can only get this man to love me, then I will be beautiful.” This is a lie. We were made to worship God alone. Anything else is a cheap substitute.
Our ultimate joy and satisfaction can only be found in Christ alone. He defines us and provides us with all that we need for this life and for the life to come. Our hope is in Him and He promises to never fail us. Now this is truly beautiful.
Free Music from Brite Revolution
16 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Music
Download 30 songs for free at Brite Revolution. You can get songs from Brandi Carlile, Elenowen, Lovedrug, and Burlap to Cashmere just to name a few. I just downloaded my copy!
Ministers’ Wives, Get Rid of Bitterness
09 Feb 2012 2 Comments
in Ministry
If you are a minister’s wife, then I want to encourage you to read this post. If you are not a minister’s wife I think that it would still be beneficial for you to read this to better understand how to pray for your church’s staff wives.
One day last summer I met a seasoned minister’s wife whose husband met with Travis on occasion to talk about ministry, life, and what the Lord was doing in their individual churches. Off the cuff I expressed interest in meeting up for lunch or coffee with this woman to glean some wisdom and godly counsel regarding marriage and balancing the demands of family and church ministry. She cynically responded with, “Well, I never really sought after being a pastor’s wife.” In other words, “I didn’t sign up for this.” I didn’t probe her to elaborate, and we have yet to get together for that cup of coffee.
On a separate occasion I met with another minister’s wife. I made the comment, “Travis and I are seeking to guard ourselves from letting ministry concerns consume our conversations at home.” She responded with, “That’s impossible.” Her assumption was that we are unable to control how ministry affects our family life and that we should just accept it that way. We shouldn’t bother setting up boundaries, because they would be dismantled anyway. That’s just how it is. I don’t agree.
I don’t know exactly the history that these two women have in local church ministry, but I can gather that somewhere along the way they were wounded, perhaps deeply. I am not in the place to judge these particular ladies. The Lord knows where they have been and what led them to feel the way they do regarding ministry and family.
As a young minister’s wife I find myself searching for other ministry wives who have journeyed longer than I have and yet have remained joyful without bitterness, not jaded by the letdowns and heartbreaks of ministry life. They are out there I am sure, but they are difficult to find.
My plea to all ministers wives, and to my own heart as well, is to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). Disregarding this grieves the Holy Spirit and inhibits the unleashing of His power in our lives, and I believe even in the life of our churches.
Is there someone in your church who has hurt you that you need to forgive? Do you feel invisible or unloved? Is your husband being attacked or unfairly treated? If we let our feelings toward these and other issues fester without giving them to the Lord then we will run into the danger of having a bitter heart. If we are not careful then we can lose our joy for ministry and more importantly for the Lord.
So, what are we to do?
1. Pray. Seek the Lord and cast your burdens on Him. Ministry life is a lonely life, but it is not an alone life. The Lord is with us. He understands and is able to work through any and every situation that we face in the home and in the church.
2. Communicate. First, we need to communicate to our husbands. Let’s be honest and clear about concerns we have or how we need them to pray for us. Let’s not forget to encourage them and build them up, but let’s also share what’s going on in our hearts. Second, find a network of ministers’ wives to connect with. You can pray for one another and encourage each other. I have a local network of ministers’ wives who I meet with on occasion and I am thankful for their prayers and encouragement.
3. Forgive. This one is tough but necessary if we are to get rid of bitterness. If we have been hurt, we need to remember Christ who was wounded for OUR transgressions, and yet was WITHOUT SIN. If Christ who was without sin was able to forgive us who have much sin, then how much more should we forgive other sinners like us?
4. Serve. Serve your family and your church. Use your unique gifts only committing to what the Lord has called you to, but avoid the temptation to meet the expectations of others.
5. Rejoice. Find joy in Christ and let his light shine through your life. I’m not talking about artificial sappiness, but genuine joy that can only come through the Spirit.
Ministers’ wives, let’s get rid of bitterness. When we look back on our lives years from now may we be thankful and joyful for the Lord’s calling on our husbands’ and our lives. When a younger minster’s wife approaches us for counsel or encouragement, may we say, “I would be glad to meet with you and share with you how the Lord has worked through this blessed life.”
Our Greenville Getaway
09 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life
Last week we trekked over to Greenville for a little R&R with Travis’s family. We were able to introduce everyone to Analise, and Kara was able to get spoiled with attention. I had to get away to realize how badly I needed to get away if that makes sense. We had such a great week visiting family, resting, and playing with the kiddos. I am amazed as to how well Kara did on the almost 9-hr. drive to G-ville. Analise was a trooper too. We had plenty of snacks and DVDs to make the trip as painless as possible for our energetic toddler. We made a lot of new memories and we are thankful that we were able to take some time off to get away and see family. It was a great week for all.
“Your Hard Is Hard” and Moms Against Moms
23 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Motherhood
Here is a thoughtful piece written by a mom on the pitfalls of insecurity, pride, and unnecessary competition that us moms sometimes get ourselves into. One section reads:
Being a part of the online mom space has made it very clear to me that motherhood often becomes a competition born out of this need for validation, one in which the goal is to win some kind of internal reward that can never be won this way. We wouldn’t have The (ridiculous) Mommy Wars that are always playing out if this weren’t true. It’s there. Validation is so hard to come by and then we get desparate for it and shake our fists at each other in false comparisons, forgetting that comparing always ends as a loss.
Lose-lose.
I don’t care if you work at home all day or work out of the home or if you do or don’t co-sleep or breastfeed or attachment parent or helicopter parent or have 1 child or 17 or have teens or grown children…mothering is hard, and when we look at each other with that in mind and with compassion at heart we win-win. It seems simple but we get all tripped up by our need to be seen. Look at me running, look at how it never stops, please say you see me.
Motherhood is a (terribly repetitive and grueling and absolutely beautiful) race with a photo finish tie and we all end up at the same place. With all of our heart’s desires for our kids and the pressure and the heavy weight of responsibility and all of its grown-up things. The reality for all of us, every single one, is that we fall through the finish line and then we get up and start over again. We are mother marathoners.
This kind of hard that is equal is a result of a love we never could have expected and that is how we tie. I am running this marathon with all mothers and I look around and I see that all of you are carrying some enormous things on top of simply running which is hard enough on its own and I see you.
You can read the whole article here.
Family Fotos
19 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life
I spent a portion of the afternoon today sorting through our new family pictures. We were blessed to have Travis’ cousin, Rhonda Danner take Analise’s newborn pictures when Analise was ten days old. Rhonda is an excellent photographer. Check out her site here. I’m finally framing and hanging our new pics. Here are a few of them below:
My angel, Analise.
Family of four.
Beautiful chubs.
Bundle of love.
Sweet Analise.
Sisters.
Proud big sister.
The Fleming Fam.
A Mother’s Sabbath Rest
18 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Motherhood
Psalm 62:1
“My soul finds rest in God alone…”
It was an ordinary Sunday- breakfast, showers, and a lot of rushing around to get out of the door before 9:30 a.m. Kara was playing well and was eager to get her shoes on (she loves shoes, like her mama). We headed to church and made it there in time for worship.
Now on this particular Sunday I was looking forward to catching up on some much needed rest being that we had only been home a week since Analise was in the hospital, and Kara was up a lot at night the following week due to an ear infection. Once we got home from church I put Kara down for her usual nap anticipating about at least 1 1/2-2 hours of quiet rest. Travis was out at a ministry project in the city, and Analise was sleeping soundly, so I took advantage of some “me” time. I heated up some leftovers, ate lunch, and was enjoying the sleepy effects of a full tummy. I then proceeded to the couch when all of a sudden I hear the sounding alarm of Kara waking from her “20-minute” nap. Frustrated, I walked into her room and tried to calmly rock her back to sleep. She would have none of it. Nap time was over.
I am quickly realizing that the days of anticipated rest have taken a sabbatical until we get out of the baby/toddler/preschool years. Children aren’t pre-programmed to our preferred schedules. Kids get sick, they go through growth spurts, they throw tantrums, they act like, well, kids. As much as Kara loves her routine and quickly reminds me if we get out of our routine a bit, even Kara can’t control a night terror or hunger pangs (she has a growth spurt every week I’m sure, and her little sister is appropriately following suit). So, what’s a mother to do?
My college years were a period in my life when God drew me closer to Him. I treasure those years. My mornings offered me ample time to grab a cup of coffee, read my Bible, and even journal. It was a sweet time of fellowship with my Lord. Even following college and seminary, as a music teacher I found time to really dwell in His presence at the same time every day (mornings preferred). I would come home from work, turn on the news, take a catnap before dinner, and then end my day with some reading before bed. That was then. I am a mom now, and my life has different demands than it did when I was a single and had nothing but “me” time. So, does this mean that my spiritual life, fellowship with other believers, or rest takes a hiatus now that I am a mom? Well, I don’t think so. I think it’s not that those things are eliminated in my life, but that they are altered in some ways. Here’s what I mean:
Now that my “me” time has turned into “we” time, I am finding that I have to be creative in how I make time for quiet throughout the week as well as to celebrate the Sabbath.
*Carve out time with God- If I get 5 minutes in the Word followed by a diaper change, 5 more minutes in the Word followed by prayer, then it’s a good morning for me. I can take some more time during Kara’s nap or at the end of the day for fellowship with the Lord. Eventually, when Analise sleeps through the night, I intend to get up before everybody else and have a more productive time with the Lord, but for now I’m making it count when I can.
*Pray through your day- This is my life raft in my day. When I am at my wit’s end or when I simply need to praise Him, I pray in my spirit knowing that the Lord hears me. It’s comforting to know that I am not alone and that the Lord understands exactly where I am and what I am dealing with day to day. “…He gently leads those that are with young” Isaiah 40:11.
*Fellowship with other Christians- Unless I am prevented from weekly worship with my church family I make Sundays a priority for corporate worship. Not only is it important for my own soul and Christian maturity, but it is also good for my children to see Sundays set a part in the week for worship and rest.
*Sleep when possible- As I am writing this blog post I should be following this bit of advice myself being that both girls are asleep. I need to work on this one for sure. I usually use my girls’ nap times as my time to clean the bathrooms, mop the floors, or anything else that would be difficult with a curious and wild toddler. Travis gets on me for this, and I need to listen to him more regarding “sleep when they sleep.”
*Get out of the house- Travis is good about watching the girls so that I can get out of the house and go to the salon, mall, or run some errands. This keeps me from going bananas. I treasure him for this, because more often than not there is usually a poor napper, ginormous spit-up, or a blow out diaper that he has to attend to while I’m out and about. If you’re reading this Trav, thanks. 
*Lastly, for now (I’m a new student in the school of motherhood) find a hobby or activity for personal enrichment that you enjoy- Reading is one of my favorite detox activities. I like to read before bed when it’s usually quiet. Another activity I enjoy is writing. When I make time to journal, blog, or work on a song, I find that I keep my mind sharp and creative (I mean, Goodnight Moon and “Skinnamarink” are all well and good, but even this mama needs a little bit more variety in her life). Playing or listening to music also recharges me and either calms or energizes my spirit.
Susanna Wesley, mother of John and Charles Wesley, once wrote concerning the Sabbath, ” ‘Tis sufficient, ’tis all I ask, and whatever others may think or do, I account this the most blest and happy day of the week. And with all my heart and soul and mind and strength I adore and praise Thee, O eternal and ever-blessed God for giving me a dispensation from all worldly business for this day, and, since the weakness and corruption of human nature requires it, for commanding us to keep holy the sabbath day.”
So, mothers, be encouraged and find rest. Find rest in God and receive His grace. Too many of us are too hard on ourselves, and we need to be reminded of His strength that is made perfect in weakness. I know I need it- His strength and grace. And a nap too.
Why I Am Excited to Read Through the Bible With My Church Family in 2012
17 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Bible, Christian Faith
This year my church is going through George Guthrie’s Reading God’s Story: A Chronological Daily Bible. I am so excited about this for several reasons. Here they are:
1. Unity. I believe that reading through God’s Word together as a church will encourage unity among the body. We may have different preferences regarding worship style, but we can all rally around the Scriptures and learn and grow from them together.
2. Growth. Reading the Bible with thoughtful intent will grow one’s faith, but reading it chronologically (the essential storyline of Scripture) will even further enhance one’s faith and understanding of God’s story.
3. Discipleship. Not only are we reading God’s Word individually, but we come together on Sundays to hear my favorite preacher (Travis Fleming) teach on a specific passage from our week’s readings. This also encourages my faith and strengthens my walk. Other brothers and sisters in Christ can share what the Lord is teaching them throughout the week, and we can sharpen one another “as iron sharpens iron.”
So, if your church is reading through the Bible together this year as well- great! If not, then I encourage you to find a couple friends or family members to read through the Scriptures together. It will bless and nourish your soul.
What Would MLK Say of Memphis Today?
16 Jan 2012 1 Comment
Travis and I were discussing over dinner last night the stark reality that we are only a mere 50 years removed from segregation. We’re talking only a generation from “white only” and “black only” water fountains. Gen-Xers and Millennials scratch their heads in bewilderment much in the same way the previous generation did concerning the Holocaust. Did that really happen? I mean were we ever that denigrating toward African Americans? The sad truth is that we were, and segregation did happen, but there were those brave souls, especially Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who spoke against injustice and stood up for the basic human rights of every person, black or white.
Living in Memphis has opened my eyes to the consequences of segregation. We may be 50 or so years removed from its clutches, but if you live here long enough you can still smell its stench. Pick any one issue or institution with a broken system in Memphis and more than likely you can trace the root problem to segregation. There is a great deal of poverty, so in effect, you will find a great deal of crime. Unless you live out east, on Mud Island, or in some pocket areas in Midtown, most of the rest of Memphis is blighted with the fading resemblance of what once was. Now before you peg me as a complainer or a “downer on my hood,” know that I love my city and that there are aspects of Memphis that are charming and pleasantly unique. It is just that you can’t live in the heart of Memphis and not see the crushing effects of man’s hatred for man.
So, what would Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. say of Memphis today? He was a man of eloquence and fire, so I will not presume to speak for him, but may I venture to guess that he would say that the job is not complete- that is the job of racial equality. He was for the dignity of every person. I don’t think that Dr. King would be a cheerleader for welfare or excessive governmental assistance for the healthy and able-bodied, but I believe that he would encourage hard work and diligence from all people.
This really is a complex issue with various factors to sort through, but the truth remains the same- we need to in some way help the children’s children of those once segregated to realistically thrive in society. By help, I don’t mean handouts, but real programs that can educate and motivate those in our poor communities to essentially “make it.” I believe that these programs shouldn’t be government-led, but church-led. Washington does not have all of the answers; it is a broken system. However, the gospel does have the answer, and the church has the mandate to restore and renew all the while sharing the message of the cross, which offers hope for this life and for the life to come.
Dr. King was not merely a Civil Rights activist, but he was a Christian man whose dream I believe exceeds beyond the here and now. One of my favorite lines from his “I Have a Dream” speech illustrates this point, “I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted , every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.” This is Memphis’ hope, and this is every city’s hope.
Slow Cooker Chicken ‘n Dumplings
12 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Cooking
Somebody inquired about a slow cooker version of chicken ‘n dumplings recently, and I forgot who it was but I found my recipe and this is what my family is having tonight. It’s a simple recipe that I just tweaked a bit, but it really is close to the real thing your mama made. Enjoy!
Makes 4 to 6 servings
Ingredients:
1 lb. chicken breast
olive oil or vegetable oil (2 tablespoons)
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
2 soup cans water
4 teaspoons all-purpose flour
2 chicken bouillon granule cubes
black pepper (eye ball- about 1/2 teaspoon)
1 can refrigerated buttermilk biscuits (8 biscuits)
Directions:
1. Chop chicken breasts into 1-inch bites and cook through in skillet with oil
2. Place chicken in slow cooker
3. Mix the rest of the ingredients (except biscuits) in slow cooker with the chicken
4. Cut biscuits into quarters and gently stir into mixture. Cook on LOW 4-6 hours
*If you have a newer Crock-Pot, 4 hours is sufficient. I would even check before that so that you don’t end up with “chicken ‘n biscuits” rather than “chicken ‘n dumplings.”
