If you are a minister’s wife, then I want to encourage you to read this post. If you are not a minister’s wife I think that it would still be beneficial for you to read this to better understand how to pray for your church’s staff wives.
One day last summer I met a seasoned minister’s wife whose husband met with Travis on occasion to talk about ministry, life, and what the Lord was doing in their individual churches. Off the cuff I expressed interest in meeting up for lunch or coffee with this woman to glean some wisdom and godly counsel regarding marriage and balancing the demands of family and church ministry. She cynically responded with, “Well, I never really sought after being a pastor’s wife.” In other words, “I didn’t sign up for this.” I didn’t probe her to elaborate, and we have yet to get together for that cup of coffee.
On a separate occasion I met with another minister’s wife. I made the comment, “Travis and I are seeking to guard ourselves from letting ministry concerns consume our conversations at home.” She responded with, “That’s impossible.” Her assumption was that we are unable to control how ministry affects our family life and that we should just accept it that way. We shouldn’t bother setting up boundaries, because they would be dismantled anyway. That’s just how it is. I don’t agree.
I don’t know exactly the history that these two women have in local church ministry, but I can gather that somewhere along the way they were wounded, perhaps deeply. I am not in the place to judge these particular ladies. The Lord knows where they have been and what led them to feel the way they do regarding ministry and family.
As a young minister’s wife I find myself searching for other ministry wives who have journeyed longer than I have and yet have remained joyful without bitterness, not jaded by the letdowns and heartbreaks of ministry life. They are out there I am sure, but they are difficult to find.
My plea to all ministers wives, and to my own heart as well, is to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). Disregarding this grieves the Holy Spirit and inhibits the unleashing of His power in our lives, and I believe even in the life of our churches.
Is there someone in your church who has hurt you that you need to forgive? Do you feel invisible or unloved? Is your husband being attacked or unfairly treated? If we let our feelings toward these and other issues fester without giving them to the Lord then we will run into the danger of having a bitter heart. If we are not careful then we can lose our joy for ministry and more importantly for the Lord.
So, what are we to do?
1. Pray. Seek the Lord and cast your burdens on Him. Ministry life is a lonely life, but it is not an alone life. The Lord is with us. He understands and is able to work through any and every situation that we face in the home and in the church.
2. Communicate. First, we need to communicate to our husbands. Let’s be honest and clear about concerns we have or how we need them to pray for us. Let’s not forget to encourage them and build them up, but let’s also share what’s going on in our hearts. Second, find a network of ministers’ wives to connect with. You can pray for one another and encourage each other. I have a local network of ministers’ wives who I meet with on occasion and I am thankful for their prayers and encouragement.
3. Forgive. This one is tough but necessary if we are to get rid of bitterness. If we have been hurt, we need to remember Christ who was wounded for OUR transgressions, and yet was WITHOUT SIN. If Christ who was without sin was able to forgive us who have much sin, then how much more should we forgive other sinners like us?
4. Serve. Serve your family and your church. Use your unique gifts only committing to what the Lord has called you to, but avoid the temptation to meet the expectations of others.
5. Rejoice. Find joy in Christ and let his light shine through your life. I’m not talking about artificial sappiness, but genuine joy that can only come through the Spirit.
Ministers’ wives, let’s get rid of bitterness. When we look back on our lives years from now may we be thankful and joyful for the Lord’s calling on our husbands’ and our lives. When a younger minster’s wife approaches us for counsel or encouragement, may we say, “I would be glad to meet with you and share with you how the Lord has worked through this blessed life.”
Thank you. thank you for your honesty and this post. I have been longing for just that kind of friendship – with another PW in my area – and reading this comes as just another push in the right direction for me. I hope you are able to be encouraged and find the same kind of insite that you are pouring out to others in this blog!
ps – i’m new to your blog : )
Rebecca, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am with you on the need for us as PWs to come alongside one another in prayer and encouragement. It’s so important! I pray that a special bond will occur between you and another PW in your area. Blessings to you and your family!