I had the privilege to speak to the BCM ladies yesterday afternoon during their women’s luncheon. Bryan Gill, the BCM director asked me to speak on self image, which I was eager to share being that I had struggled with self-image issues throughout my adolescence. More than that, I am raising two little women myself, and I know what they will be exposed to in life as they grow, and I know the lies that the surrounding culture will spew at them in regards to beauty, what it means to be a woman, and self-image.
True beauty has been hijacked in our culture for an illusion.
Dove’s “Campaign for Real Beauty” conducted a study regarding how women view themselves, and here are some of their findings:
-Only 2% of women describe themselves as beautiful.
-63% of women strongly agree that society expects women their physical attractiveness.
-45% of women feel that women who are beautiful have greater opportunities in life.
-More than two-thirds of women strongly agree that the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can’t ever achieve.
Now with social media there are even more channels through which culture can promote its false idea of beauty. The University of Haifa in Israel conducted a study linking Facebook to eating disorders. They studied teenage girls ranging from 12-18 and they found that the more teenage girls were involved with Facebook the higher their risk was of having a negative body image and developing an eating disorder. Posting pictures on Facebook makes teens more image conscious, and if they feel like they don’t meet culture’s standard of beauty then are more more susceptible to eating disorders. See social times.com for more information on this study.
Our society equates sexy with beautiful. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. A beautiful woman is a woman who shows her sexiness and gets as many guys to look at her as possible. Just look at the women our culture praises and considers to be beautiful women. Often they are not noticed for their modesty or discretion.
True beauty has been hijacked in our culture for an illusion.
Even Dove’s “Campaign For Real Beauty,” though their efforts are noble, misses the mark concerning true beauty in that they still emphasize physical appearance. Character is under-emphasized if at all.
How does God define true beauty?
Notice 1 Peter 3:3-5:
First, we need to understand that how we dress or present ourselves matters. Modesty is not a popular word in today’s culture. It implies being prudish, naive, or traditional. The reality is that modesty is essentially self-respect. Peter alludes to the type of woman of that day that braided her hair and wore gold jewelry, which was the common attire of harlots. Now Peter is not limiting his admonition to modest dress, because he says “Do not let your adorning be external,” so he is also saying that a beautiful woman is not preoccupied with her outward appearance.
Second, we need to place greater emphasis on beautifying the soul, not the body. Sure, we should not neglect the body or disregard our appearance altogether, but we should not focus on our appearance solely at the expense of our souls. A beautiful woman in God’s eyes exhibits self-control and is not given to uncontrolled anger. She is meek, meaning strong but under control. She has a gentle and quiet spirit, and is not brash and rude. Such a woman is not praised in our society. In fact, our typical sitcom today has a family dynamic where the wife/mom is overbearing, domineering, sarcastic, and down right mean while the husband/father character is portrayed as a goofball, potbelly dufus who has the IQ level of a snail. This is suppose to be cute and humorous to the viewer. God has another idea of beauty, and it is imperishable. Our looks, ladies, will fade and wither. I told the BCM girls that they are in the prime of their lives in regard to physical beauty. We will get wrinkles, and most of us will lose our 22-yr old. figures. But that is no matter anyway because there is a beauty that will never perish and is in God’s sight “very precious.”
Lastly, we need to put our hope in God, not in our husband or in our desire for a husband. When I was about to graduate college I expected to have a ring on my finger and get married and live happily ever after. Didn’t happen. The Lord took me on a 5-year journey where He had to teach me how to hope in Him. I learned to be satisfied in Christ and fulfilled in Him alone. I think I am a better wife for Travis now because of that journey because I am not placing impossible demands on him that only Christ can meet. I’m not asking Travis to be Jesus in my life. We will fail one another, but there is One who never fails and is always able to meet our every need. The holy women of God in times past adorned themselves in this way, they placed their hope in God.
Where do we begin and what does it mean to “hope in God?”
First, we need to realize that we are beautiful by design. We are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).
Second, we also need to see that because of sin the image has been marred and we are unable to have access to God because He is holy. Romans 3:23 says it plainly, “For all have sinned, and have fallen short of the glory of God.”
Third, we need to recognize the mercy, love and grace of God in that He gave us His Son to pay the penalty for our sin by dying on the cross in our place. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Once we place our trust in Christ we are forgiven and we enter into a relationship with Him and receive eternal life. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Now that we are in Christ, we are a new creation- we have a new identity. 2 Corinthians 5:17 describes this very thing, and that “…they old has gone, the new has come.” All of the shame, guilt, mistakes, insecurities, baggage, wounds, and sins that once defined us no longer define us. Christ now defines us and makes us new.
There are some practical implications regarding our new identity. One being that obsession with looks either positive or negative is idolatry of self. We were made to worship God alone. Anything else is a cheap substitute.
One example is excessive dieting. Health and fitness are important, and we need to care for our bodies. We need to be careful, however, regarding our motivation with dieting. Are we trying to keep healthy and fit, or are we trying to reach an unrealistic and even unhealthy weight in order to feel beautiful and valuable? Obsession with self can lead to all sorts of dangers and traps such as eating disorders, but the foundational problem is that we take God off of the throne of our hearts and place ourselves there instead. This is a cheap substitute. We were made to worship God alone.
Do we have a constant need for validation? Is other people’s opinion or approval at the forefront of our minds? If our aim is to reach a certain status or to gain another person’s praise in order to feel like a woman of worth, then we are committing another form of self-idolatry. This is a cheap substitute. We were made to worship God alone.
Also, if we are seeking fulfillment in a man for our sense of worth, then we are going to come up disappointed and lonely. If we say, “If I can only get this man to love me, then I will be beautiful.” This is a lie. We were made to worship God alone. Anything else is a cheap substitute.
Our ultimate joy and satisfaction can only be found in Christ alone. He defines us and provides us with all that we need for this life and for the life to come. Our hope is in Him and He promises to never fail us. Now this is truly beautiful.
